Theoretically Speaking
Warning: This post contains some ramblings which some readers may find offensive and/or sufficiently mind-blowing (if I do say so myself). Parental guidance is strongly advised.
So, there have been times when I've had random epiphanies, and come up with my own theories about different things. One or two of these may have been mentioned in my tweets, but this is a more in depth look at them.
This has mainly occurred throughout the last few years, since my mind has become a little less innocent than it used to be.
Some of these ideas have come to me at the most random of times, and are equally as random in nature, which will probably give you a bit of an insight into the way my mind works (just in case Twitter hasn't already done that).
I recently discussed some of my theories with a fab friend of mine, which later led to some research into a couple of them, with his help!
So today I'm going to share three of my current theories, and what was found out from our joint Googling efforts.
Enjoy!
Theory #1
This theory is based on a certain colloquial term, used frequently at this time of the year, and the way in which it was coined. This one could've led to interesting discussions in my A Level English Language lessons if I'd thought of it at the time.
'Nippy'.
My theory: This one came to me when I was walking home from bowling with some friends of mine last week. One of them mentioned that it was a bit 'nippy'. And being in the excitable state I was in, I had a revelation.
"I've just realised something..!" I exclaimed. "Do you think people use the word 'nippy' because of how our nipples get hard when we're cold?!"
I genuinely thought this was a perfectly plausible idea, and was so proud of it that I shared it with that friend of mine!
He later Googled it, and found out the true origin of the word.
The reality: Based on the quick summary my friend sent me of his research, it seems that the phrase 'it's feeling nippy' comes from 'biting cold', similar to how you'd say 'that dog nipped me'.
Well then..
Now, while that makes perfect sense, I have to say, I prefer my theory. It makes a simple question in a social situation lots more fun through it's implied meaning... Hehe.
Theory #2
Technology. It's amazing isn't it? Especially mobile phones. In fact, it was only a few weeks ago that I was having a chat with some of my lovely work colleagues about how much we rely on them in this day and age.
But it's a specific feature of today's mobile phones that my next theory is based on.
My theory: I came up with this one a couple of years ago. This one was more of a minor lightbulb moment rather than a grand 'A-HA!' (mainly because I was alone at the time.)
I was walking home from sixth form after an early finish, and my phone buzzed in my pocket, causing me to be excited at the prospect of some kind of human contact - even though it turned out to be nothing more than a message from T-Mobile, telling me about their latest offers.
But it was in that moment that it dawned on me that a notable amount of pleasure - for want of a better word - is caused by the vibrations of mobile phones.
Based on this, I came to the following conclusion:
The vibrator was invented by someone who noticed this correlation between the vibrations of a phone and the reaction of it's owner.
(I made a rather dirty idea sound just a little bit more dignified - that's rather an accomplishment for me.)
I've held onto this theory ever since, and it was another one that I told my friend about the other day. After he'd looked into the 'nippy' theory, I finally consulted Google to find out about the invention of the vibrator.
The reality: It turns out that vibrators have actually been around since 18th Century France.
In Great Britain in the Victorian times, a common method of treatment used for a number of illnesses by doctors was the 'pelvic massage' - now recognised as masturbation. This, as you might imagine, was a lengthy and tiring process for the doctors, so the invention of the first steam powered vibrator - the 'Manipulator' - offered them relief from fatigue in their wrists and hands.
It's since then that vibrators have been developed to become more practical and effective, and are now used on a more widespread scale.
Now, I think that's enough about the history of the vibrator for the purpose of this topic, but if you'd like to continue reading about it in some depth, feel free to give Wikipedia a visit!
Now, seeing as the first mobile phone wasn't on the market until 1973, and the first vibrating mobile phone wasn't available until about 1996, it's fair to say that this is another of my theories that has been proved wrong.
Again, it's hard not to feel disappointed, but I still have my happy little world in my mind where it can be true...
Theory #3
This theory does require at least a basic knowledge and liking of the TV crime show The Mentalist.
A quick recap of what you'd need to know to understand my theory. Please bear in mind, that while I've seen a good few episodes, I haven't watched them in solid order from the start, so I am purely going on what I've seen and my thoughts based on what I know.
The show follows a team of CBI detectives in America and a guy called Patrick Jane (played by Simon Baker, mmm) who works alongside them. Now, I've double checked his actual job title online and he's described as a former 'psychic medium', though his work with the CBI involves him studying human behaviour in order to help solve crimes.
But the reason he joined the team in the first place was so he could track down a serial killer named 'Red John' who murdered Patrick's wife and daughter.
That's the basis of the show, which will hopefully help you to understand my theory. Ahem.
My theory: My theory is... Patrick Jane IS Red John.
I think that Patrick has some form of multiple identity disorder, not dissimilar to the one Jim Carrey's character has in Me, Myself and Irene.
I think that while under the control of his alternate 'evil' personality, he killed his wife and child. I think that this has left his subconscious swamped in guilt, which has driven his urge for revenge. I think that his 'evil side' then continues to commit murders in an attempt to counter Patrick's attempt to aid the CBI in their investigations. I think that the magic of television allows us to be fooled into believing he couldn't possibly have been at the scene of the Red John murders and elsewhere at the same time, even though he was.
I also think that Patrick's name can be linked to the name of the serial killer.
Patrick Jane. Red John.
Patrick is a name which is normally associated with the Irish, which often have stereotypical red hair. Especially the leprechauns. Hence 'Red'.
Jane Doe is the name typically used for female victims who have not been identified. John Doe is the male version - plus John is commonly used as a false name to protect anonymity (like The Doctor's 'John Smith'). So that's where that could come from.
Patrick = Red
Jane = John
The reality: Now, as this is an ongoing show, we don't know who Red John actually is yet, although the last episode I saw had a hardcore hunt for him going on, so who knows how soon it could be. This makes it hard for me to prove (or rather disprove) my theory at the moment.
But, one thing that can go towards disproving it is that Patrick has had contact with Red John through a telephone call. That could've been pretty hard to pull off, unless it was from someone who knows about Patrick's mental disorder and uses it to manipulate him further.
We'll just have to see how it goes with that one, but it would be a really clever twist. I'll be sure to update you when we find out the truth...whenever that may be.
Okay, well I think that's enough theorising for tonight... I've left you enough to ponder over.
I think I do this kind of thing again, once I've built up a decent catalogue of new ideas to spring upon you! And of course, if you have any fun theories of your own that you'd like to share with me - be them new or old, proven or not - then feel free!
It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one with a mind that does strange things at times...
I'd like to give thanks and credit to Wikipedia for teaching me about the Victorian version of doctor/patient...privilege...
And also to that fab friend of mine for risking the horror of coming across pornographic material in his research of the word 'nippy' for me... Gosh, that must've been traumatising! ;)
So, there have been times when I've had random epiphanies, and come up with my own theories about different things. One or two of these may have been mentioned in my tweets, but this is a more in depth look at them.
This has mainly occurred throughout the last few years, since my mind has become a little less innocent than it used to be.
Some of these ideas have come to me at the most random of times, and are equally as random in nature, which will probably give you a bit of an insight into the way my mind works (just in case Twitter hasn't already done that).
I recently discussed some of my theories with a fab friend of mine, which later led to some research into a couple of them, with his help!
So today I'm going to share three of my current theories, and what was found out from our joint Googling efforts.
Enjoy!
Theory #1
This theory is based on a certain colloquial term, used frequently at this time of the year, and the way in which it was coined. This one could've led to interesting discussions in my A Level English Language lessons if I'd thought of it at the time.
'Nippy'.
My theory: This one came to me when I was walking home from bowling with some friends of mine last week. One of them mentioned that it was a bit 'nippy'. And being in the excitable state I was in, I had a revelation.
"I've just realised something..!" I exclaimed. "Do you think people use the word 'nippy' because of how our nipples get hard when we're cold?!"
I genuinely thought this was a perfectly plausible idea, and was so proud of it that I shared it with that friend of mine!
He later Googled it, and found out the true origin of the word.
The reality: Based on the quick summary my friend sent me of his research, it seems that the phrase 'it's feeling nippy' comes from 'biting cold', similar to how you'd say 'that dog nipped me'.
Well then..
Now, while that makes perfect sense, I have to say, I prefer my theory. It makes a simple question in a social situation lots more fun through it's implied meaning... Hehe.
Theory #2
Technology. It's amazing isn't it? Especially mobile phones. In fact, it was only a few weeks ago that I was having a chat with some of my lovely work colleagues about how much we rely on them in this day and age.
But it's a specific feature of today's mobile phones that my next theory is based on.
My theory: I came up with this one a couple of years ago. This one was more of a minor lightbulb moment rather than a grand 'A-HA!' (mainly because I was alone at the time.)
I was walking home from sixth form after an early finish, and my phone buzzed in my pocket, causing me to be excited at the prospect of some kind of human contact - even though it turned out to be nothing more than a message from T-Mobile, telling me about their latest offers.
But it was in that moment that it dawned on me that a notable amount of pleasure - for want of a better word - is caused by the vibrations of mobile phones.
Based on this, I came to the following conclusion:
The vibrator was invented by someone who noticed this correlation between the vibrations of a phone and the reaction of it's owner.
(I made a rather dirty idea sound just a little bit more dignified - that's rather an accomplishment for me.)
I've held onto this theory ever since, and it was another one that I told my friend about the other day. After he'd looked into the 'nippy' theory, I finally consulted Google to find out about the invention of the vibrator.
The reality: It turns out that vibrators have actually been around since 18th Century France.
In Great Britain in the Victorian times, a common method of treatment used for a number of illnesses by doctors was the 'pelvic massage' - now recognised as masturbation. This, as you might imagine, was a lengthy and tiring process for the doctors, so the invention of the first steam powered vibrator - the 'Manipulator' - offered them relief from fatigue in their wrists and hands.
It's since then that vibrators have been developed to become more practical and effective, and are now used on a more widespread scale.
Now, I think that's enough about the history of the vibrator for the purpose of this topic, but if you'd like to continue reading about it in some depth, feel free to give Wikipedia a visit!
Now, seeing as the first mobile phone wasn't on the market until 1973, and the first vibrating mobile phone wasn't available until about 1996, it's fair to say that this is another of my theories that has been proved wrong.
Again, it's hard not to feel disappointed, but I still have my happy little world in my mind where it can be true...
Theory #3
This theory does require at least a basic knowledge and liking of the TV crime show The Mentalist.
A quick recap of what you'd need to know to understand my theory. Please bear in mind, that while I've seen a good few episodes, I haven't watched them in solid order from the start, so I am purely going on what I've seen and my thoughts based on what I know.
The show follows a team of CBI detectives in America and a guy called Patrick Jane (played by Simon Baker, mmm) who works alongside them. Now, I've double checked his actual job title online and he's described as a former 'psychic medium', though his work with the CBI involves him studying human behaviour in order to help solve crimes.
But the reason he joined the team in the first place was so he could track down a serial killer named 'Red John' who murdered Patrick's wife and daughter.
That's the basis of the show, which will hopefully help you to understand my theory. Ahem.
My theory: My theory is... Patrick Jane IS Red John.
I think that Patrick has some form of multiple identity disorder, not dissimilar to the one Jim Carrey's character has in Me, Myself and Irene.
I think that while under the control of his alternate 'evil' personality, he killed his wife and child. I think that this has left his subconscious swamped in guilt, which has driven his urge for revenge. I think that his 'evil side' then continues to commit murders in an attempt to counter Patrick's attempt to aid the CBI in their investigations. I think that the magic of television allows us to be fooled into believing he couldn't possibly have been at the scene of the Red John murders and elsewhere at the same time, even though he was.
I also think that Patrick's name can be linked to the name of the serial killer.
Patrick Jane. Red John.
Patrick is a name which is normally associated with the Irish, which often have stereotypical red hair. Especially the leprechauns. Hence 'Red'.
Jane Doe is the name typically used for female victims who have not been identified. John Doe is the male version - plus John is commonly used as a false name to protect anonymity (like The Doctor's 'John Smith'). So that's where that could come from.
Patrick = Red
Jane = John
The reality: Now, as this is an ongoing show, we don't know who Red John actually is yet, although the last episode I saw had a hardcore hunt for him going on, so who knows how soon it could be. This makes it hard for me to prove (or rather disprove) my theory at the moment.
But, one thing that can go towards disproving it is that Patrick has had contact with Red John through a telephone call. That could've been pretty hard to pull off, unless it was from someone who knows about Patrick's mental disorder and uses it to manipulate him further.
We'll just have to see how it goes with that one, but it would be a really clever twist. I'll be sure to update you when we find out the truth...whenever that may be.
Okay, well I think that's enough theorising for tonight... I've left you enough to ponder over.
I think I do this kind of thing again, once I've built up a decent catalogue of new ideas to spring upon you! And of course, if you have any fun theories of your own that you'd like to share with me - be them new or old, proven or not - then feel free!
It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one with a mind that does strange things at times...
I'd like to give thanks and credit to Wikipedia for teaching me about the Victorian version of doctor/patient...privilege...
And also to that fab friend of mine for risking the horror of coming across pornographic material in his research of the word 'nippy' for me... Gosh, that must've been traumatising! ;)
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