I Can't Put My Finger On It.
Every now and again, I find myself in the kind of mood where I just want to cry. I mean really cry. Full on, uncontrollable, blubbering mess kind of cry.
On many of these occasions, I can find no set reason for it – despite a number of ideas floating around in my head, I can never seem to put my finger on the one to blame.
As you can probably imagine, these moods influence the persona I hold in everyday life. I can become very irritable and I often find myself getting pissed off at trivial things. However, I’m never actually all that vocal with it, other than the odd mutter of frustration under my breath. While this is mostly due to my complete lack of confidence with confrontation, I would also like to avoid problems at work and home. (There’s no doubt that my mum would slap me if she heard me using any kind of curse word.)
These last few days have been rather odd. There was an evening last week when I would have happily spent a good while ‘crying my eyes out’, but I felt like I couldn’t because I wasn’t on my own at the time. But then, when I was back at home, with no one else around – nothing. It’s been the same for most of this week. I’ve spent most of the time feeling on the brink of tears, especially at work, but when I finally find some alone time, the tears just don’t come.
This has led to Grumpy Sarah (A.K.A. Quiet, Sulky-Looking Sarah) making an appearance. I've struggled to keep hold of my polite, smiley image at times when it's most needed. I've even kept my Do Not Disturb on my phone turned on. I’ve been told by people who have seen me that I look like I’m fed up, and that I’m not my ‘usual, bubbly self’. So, naturally, the ‘I’m fine’ act has been pulled out of the bag, although I’m not sure how convincing it’s been.
Not being able to figure out exactly where this mood has come from makes me feel a lot worse about it. It feels like it isn’t legitimate, like it’s wrong for me to mope about the place if I haven’t got a valid reason for doing so. I could try and put it down to stress, I suppose. There are little things going on at the moment which could be classed as stressful, but that's bound to be the case for everyone else, so who am I to complain? There are so many people in the world who have so much more reason to feel troubled and 'down in the dumps' than I do, and yet here I am, whinging about being a bit blue. And, I guess the fact that it confuses my mind so much, and has made me even more thoughtful than normal is just another side effect I'll have to put up with.
This mood will probably pass in time, and it won't be long before I feel like I can smile and be all 'happy-go-lucky' without it feeling like too much of an effort. When that happens, I'll realise how petty I sound now, and that could make me feel even worse. But we'll get to that when the time comes.
This is another short ramble which I have no real ending to because I'm not sure what the point of it is.
So I'll pick something at random.
Shenanigans.
On many of these occasions, I can find no set reason for it – despite a number of ideas floating around in my head, I can never seem to put my finger on the one to blame.
As you can probably imagine, these moods influence the persona I hold in everyday life. I can become very irritable and I often find myself getting pissed off at trivial things. However, I’m never actually all that vocal with it, other than the odd mutter of frustration under my breath. While this is mostly due to my complete lack of confidence with confrontation, I would also like to avoid problems at work and home. (There’s no doubt that my mum would slap me if she heard me using any kind of curse word.)
These last few days have been rather odd. There was an evening last week when I would have happily spent a good while ‘crying my eyes out’, but I felt like I couldn’t because I wasn’t on my own at the time. But then, when I was back at home, with no one else around – nothing. It’s been the same for most of this week. I’ve spent most of the time feeling on the brink of tears, especially at work, but when I finally find some alone time, the tears just don’t come.
This has led to Grumpy Sarah (A.K.A. Quiet, Sulky-Looking Sarah) making an appearance. I've struggled to keep hold of my polite, smiley image at times when it's most needed. I've even kept my Do Not Disturb on my phone turned on. I’ve been told by people who have seen me that I look like I’m fed up, and that I’m not my ‘usual, bubbly self’. So, naturally, the ‘I’m fine’ act has been pulled out of the bag, although I’m not sure how convincing it’s been.
Not being able to figure out exactly where this mood has come from makes me feel a lot worse about it. It feels like it isn’t legitimate, like it’s wrong for me to mope about the place if I haven’t got a valid reason for doing so. I could try and put it down to stress, I suppose. There are little things going on at the moment which could be classed as stressful, but that's bound to be the case for everyone else, so who am I to complain? There are so many people in the world who have so much more reason to feel troubled and 'down in the dumps' than I do, and yet here I am, whinging about being a bit blue. And, I guess the fact that it confuses my mind so much, and has made me even more thoughtful than normal is just another side effect I'll have to put up with.
This mood will probably pass in time, and it won't be long before I feel like I can smile and be all 'happy-go-lucky' without it feeling like too much of an effort. When that happens, I'll realise how petty I sound now, and that could make me feel even worse. But we'll get to that when the time comes.
This is another short ramble which I have no real ending to because I'm not sure what the point of it is.
So I'll pick something at random.
Shenanigans.
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