For The Best

-
Nothing is set in stone. Everything is always subject to change. Whether it be your health, the price of bread in the supermarket or your relationship with someone else. Nothing can live up to a promise of always staying as it is.

That isn't to say that all changes are bad - much to the contrary. A change in career, for instance, or a new addition to the family or a move to a new home; these are all examples that could bring a great deal more happiness.

Change is a part of life, whether it be for the better or not, and we all must come to accept it, even if we don't want to. Of course this would be influenced by the nature of the change and how it came about. Is the effect lessened if we are in control of and instigate the change? Or is it just as difficult?

No matter the situation, each person is faced with a string of different emotions which of course impact on the experience and the outcome.
I made a change to my life recently and I've noticed I used the words 'for the best' a lot when talking to people about it. This has usually come about after finding myself in a tight spot where I had to either admit to the change or endure an awkward conversation about the matter. So perhaps my phrase of choice was just a good shutdown technique. But I know deep down that it's not wrong.

The change I made - I feel like it was necessary and to be honest, it was inevitable. There was a time when I thought it wouldn't ever happen, but the perspective I have on it now tells me I was silly not to think otherwise. The truth of it is that I wasn't happy. I mean, I hadn't been for a while, but it was only when the rose-tinted glasses came off that I could see it that clearly. For so long I had been trying to convince myself that it was all in my head or that I was just going through my own personal low, and that the situation I was in was completely right for me. But this wasn't true at all.

Over the last few months it has become more obvious to me that the reason I was feeling so down and was having so much trouble saying I was genuinely happy wasn't because there was anything necessarily wrong with me. It was because I was forcing myself to stay stuck in a place where I wasn't genuinely happy. I realised that the only way to fix it was to change it.

That didn't necessarily make it easy though. The thought of it made me feel so bad, which might seem strange but when I was looking at the bigger picture, the potential consequences were hard to ignore. If I'm honest, I was bloody scared. It felt like I was having an internal battle, trying to make myself understand that although there were some factors that may have helped me towards my decision, the actual motive behind it was not wrong. Then once I'd actually acted on it I was hit by this wave of sadness, like I was grieving for what used to be and for what now never would, which I suppose is only natural.

What surprised me most was how quickly it passed. I mean, I had my time the same evening where I got myself into a bit of a state, and then I had a few moments at work the next day, but then that was it for the most part. Of course I've still been thinking about it a lot - mainly for what it means for the future - but overall, I'm okay. I've been able to tell people that without any hesitation, which feels like the first time in a good while.

It's bugging me a little because once again I feel bad for how easy it's been for me to get past it. Maybe this is a sign of how unhappy I was before. Maybe it's because part of me had started coming to terms with it and moving on, in a way, before I'd even made the change.

Either way, I have accepted the idea that it was what I needed to do. I know there are still so many more changes to come my way throughout my life, whether they are thrust upon me or come about through choices I make. Some of the most likely ones are popping into mind right now. Some of them might even occur rather soon.

For now though, it's nice to think that regardless of what happens next, however scary, I'm going into it feeling happier. I've finally taken time to understand myself a little more and how to make things better for myself. Changes made with that kind of mentality aren't really so bad overall, even if they seem it at the time.

So maybe this one really was 'for the best'.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

There's 7 Things I Hate About... Jigsaw Puzzles

-
Image
I spent most of my week off working on a jigsaw puzzle. It was a ‘Cat Lover’s Puzzle’ with different breeds of cats depicted on it. It’s worth remembering that, it’s going to be my point of reference throughout this. It was more challenging than I had thought, particularly because of some hiccups I came across on the first day. I was trying to use a cardboard box as my Puzzle Assembly Surface (that’s its actual name) because it was the only free solid surface I had in my room and it seemed more practical than the floor. However, I soon found it was just slightly too short and too narrow which irritated me more than it probably should have done. I didn’t realise it was possible to rage-quit a jigsaw puzzle, but there we are. I started a-fresh the following day – yes, on the floor – and while I was plodding along, I found myself compiling a list in my head of the most frustrating things about doing a jigsaw puzzle. I had originally planned to tweet about it but I didn’t think it would...
Read more

Attached to Temptation.

-
I can't deny that I'm a very emotional person. It's so obvious; it would be pointless even trying to deny it. In school, I was the cry-baby of the class. It really wouldn't take much to set me off, which is quite embarrassing to admit. I was the goody-two-shoes of the class too; I was never really told off properly, so I can't even blame it on that. Although, thinking about it, maybe that would have helped toughen me up a bit. I haven't exactly grown out of being that fuzzball of emotion, but it has adapted and is focused around slightly less trivial things. Thankfully I'm no longer of an age where I go all teary if I'm told I have to eat those spaghetti hoops in my school dinner, whether I like them or not. (Yes. I was that bad.) While I don't burst into tears at the smallest thing like I used to, I do still let things go to heart more than I should. To paraphrase McBusted: I'm just a sensitive girl.
Read more

My Ancestral Quest

-
Image
History has always fascinated me, well, local history more than anything. I mean, it was sort of interesting to learn in school about the Romans and the Battle of Hastings and all those Roundheads, but when it came to the topics about things like the two World Wars, my curiosity would lie with the social aspects of it – what life was like for those on The Home Front and the effect it had on the local areas. Even outside of the classroom, I was always looking for pictures of what the local high street looked like years ago and wondering what the house I grew up in would have looked like when it was first built. As I’ve grown up, that interest has evolved, and of course the internet has helped massively. In recent years I’ve found old maps of where I lived which was positively mesmerising. Afterwards, I would be out walking with friends and then take great pride in pointing out that a particular street we were passing used to be the location of a football ground in the 1890s. It isn’...
Read more