Five Years On

Given that today marks five years since the first lockdown was announced in the UK, it feels like a good point of reflection – you know, like the TikTok trend?

Plus, I've found myself itching to write today, for some reason. Anyway.

The time has passed with incomprehensible speed, but it feels like a lot has happened.

The most positive change is that I now have a job I love, rather than one that fills me with anxiety at the mere thought of it. I'm due back at work tomorrow after two weeks off, and I have not one ounce of dread, compared to how I felt in the old job, which is a huge improvement. I love the team I work with and have learnt so much, not least the feeling of job satisfaction!

We moved out of the family home, which was strange, I won't lie! I've not quite struck out on my own yet, so am still involved in daily battles for the bathroom, but I think that's made it easier to call the new place home!

Speaking of changes, my social circle has definitely shrunk. A lot. I can count on one hand the number of people I’m close to now, and as I've said previously, I'm more than okay with that.

I was comfortable in my own company long before lockdown, but having an excuse to not see anyone really helped to cement my hermit lifestyle, even to the point where it's a struggle to let go of it.
There’s peace in solitude, even if it means not going out every weekend or having a jam-packed social calendar.

This has even meant that I'm now a really bad texter. There have been times where it's take me a day or so to respond to, or even read, a message, which is something I never would have thought possible when I was younger. Honestly, I barely talk to anyone now outside of work. Don't get me wrong, my phone is still within reach, but I use it more for the torch, or music, or telling Siri off more than I do actually communicating with anyone (aside from that one TikTok streak...). That may not sound like much but it's huge for me.

Another big event since lockdown started: I had my first ever broken bone, at the grand old age of 30! It happened just days after I spoke the words 'I've never broken a bone'. Clearly, the universe was listening and decided to give me a broken shoulder!
I can't even pretend it was anything dramatic or exciting... one minute I was walking to work, the next I was practically flying through the air. And, of course, there just had to be a line of stand-still traffic at the time, and therefore plenty of people to witness it. Perfect.
As well as suddenly having to adapt to the restrictions that came with being in a sling for six weeks, and subsequently having to learn to move my arm again, the fall was basically a sledgehammer through any confidence I had.
In the months prior, I had built up a routine of walking for exercise, whether that be loops round the block to up my step count, or taking extra shifts in the office to give me an excuse to walk. Afterwards, though, I had a new-found reluctance for going outside, especially if it meant walking anywhere. I suppose that could be considered a natural feeling, but it has felt like an extra part of my recovery has been to regain that confidence, and reduce the fear that I'm going to fall again.
Six months on, I can't say I'm back to normal, but I'm getting there, and hoping to be finished with physio soon!

On that note: habits... well, let’s just say my attempts at becoming a new me haven't quite been as successful as I'd have liked, despite my best intentions.
I've had a go at experimenting with my hair colour as an attempt at a bit of a 'glow-up'. I cycled through a few different shades of red until a day of reminiscence led me to the realisation that I actually quite liked my natural colour, and I was actually tired of washing my hair in cold water! So, I'm now in the slow process of growing my hair out, which has left it with a lovely ginger tinge at the ends!
I'm also debating getting a new pair of glasses to change up my look, as I'm coming up to 2 years since I first joined the Specs brigade.
But aside from that, I realise I should probably start looking after myself a bit better than I have been. I've tried that previously, but whenever I've been on a roll, there has always been something that comes along to stem my motivation - such as tripping over and breaking my shoulder!
As it turns out, old habits die hard, especially when you’re in your own little bubble, but that's okay.
I’m not giving up, I’ve just learned to be kind to myself about it. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and at the same time, life is short, why not spend it doing things I enjoy.

And one of the things I enjoy most? Family history.
It's a bit like The Sims, where I can be obsessed with it for months, then I hit one brick wall too many and rage quit, and don't return to it until later in the year. At the moment, I'm in one of those obsessive streaks, and have spent the majority of the last two weeks trawling through Ancestry and FindMyPast. I even took my first trip to the National Archives to see some shipping logs - original ones from the early 1900s, that would have been on the actual ships and in the actual hands of the Captains of those ships and... well, as you can tell, it made my inner geek very happy!
Another discovery that had me doing a happy dance (I know, I know, shush), was an aerial photo of the house I grew up in, taken in 1948! 1948! It was such a fascinating find, I'm not quite over the excitement, in case you couldn't tell.
On the other hand, my elusive great-grandfather still has me stumped, but after almost five years of trying to uncover his story, there's not a chance I'm giving in any time soon!

Now, on a sadder note, the biggest change since lockdown, and in fact, since the last time I shared here, is the loss of three of our cats.
Crunchie, Smokey and Stumpy, all three of our girls, all lost within months of each other last year. They were a huge part of the family, especially given how they came into our world, and as a result, losing them has left a huge hole. My heart broke three times over, and I ended up in quite a low place at the end of last year, as if I was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.
We do still have Francis with us, and I feel like he's sensed the loss as much as we have, so I've tried to focus on giving him the attention he needs, and reminding him (in the trademark, high-pitched voice I reserve for him) that he is the best boy in the world.

All in all, it’s been a time of significant growth, albeit not always the way I envisioned it. I’m more comfortable with who I am, and I’ve learned that sometimes the best progress happens when you stop forcing it.

Here’s to the next five years, I guess. I wonder what they'll bring- hopefully fewer broken bones and some nicer surprises!

Now Playing: Woke Up Late - Drax Project ft. Hailee Steinfeld